Each Friday, sobriety granted, I’m going to post my FTB action of the week. I can’t guarantee this will be an ongoing event, but hell, I’ll try my best. This week in Dart Boys: For the Boys, cha boy is the proud assailant of helping girls in my dorm move in to the first week of school. Sure, an alternative motive may have taken some precedence in this FTB act, and I may or may not (may) have made out in this FTB act. Ironically, my For the Boys Act was for females, but thats wordplay for you. This post deteriorated quickly… Word.
Rambunctious teens like myself often find themselves in the hospital after a night of turning up (that’s what the kids say these days, right?), and if you think I was in the hospital today for that reason, you’re wrong. This morning I woke up to a cabin full of 11 year olds and “Where Is The Love” by the Black Eyed Peas bumping. I immediately got out of bed, chimed in, and convinced them that I was a member of the Peas during the time that song was released. Seconds later, I endured the yawn felt ’round my jaw.
Everyone yawns and once in a while their jaws lock up a little bit but you just hold it there and you’re good. That happened to me but I was far from okay. For a while, I thought I’d never live to post another article. I slowly realized there was nothing I could do to close my mouth, so mouth open for the next 2 hours, I found my way to a hospital with a good buddy of mine. After the doc’s two futile attempts at pushing my jaw back to where it should be without any pain medicine (the two most painful moments of my life, not even close), he decided the only way to get it back to where it should be was to put me under. I’ve faced anaesthesia twice in my life. For the removal of a potentially cancerous (wasn’t, #GodIsGood) mole guy on my leg, and for a poorly executed yawn. Real shit. Videos of me after anaesthesia were fucking gold, but nonetheless I will be hearing a lot of “Robbie, show me your O face!” requests for the ensuing weeks. Freak injuries can happen to anyone. Be careful next time you yawn.
P.S. My jaw is still in some pain and it’s looking like imma be on that soft pasta for days diet (kidding had a burrito but had to cut it up), but at least I can exercise @RKY17.
Sources close to Dart Boy Sports are confirming that LeBron James will become a Cleveland Cavalier. The length of the contract has not yet been confirmed but it is rumored to be a max deal for 4 years. Our sources also are saying that LeBron is currently in a meeting with members of Cleveland’s front office, and that they are “crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s” on this new deal. Stay tuned for more updates to follow.
So I was watching SportsCenter last night and heard Tim Howard say to an ESPN reporter that the USA-Belgium game was “a great game of football” Football……Football……
Listen, I know literally almost every country calls soccer football, but c’mon Tim. You grew up in New Jersey!!! Like 45 minutes from where I live. And last time I checked, we call it soccer, not only in New Jersey, but from sea to shining sea. Don’t try to be like everyone else Tim. You’re from the greatest country on Earth, and here in the greatest country on Earth we have our own football. Soccer is soccer.
Also, what does he call football? If I see a tape of him calling it American football, I might actually get throw up.
P.S. Dorf tried to say that he can call it football because he plays in England for most of the year. That’s honestly one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. Some people at UConn call a water fountain a “bubbler”. I’ll be there for a majority of my next 3 years and you bet your ass I’ll never call it a bubbler. Also, people in the South call soda “pop”. If I move to the South, am I going to suddenly start calling it pop? Not a chance. You represent where you come from no matter where you go, and that’s why I’m a little disappointed in Tim.
So let’s see if DBS Nation is bothered by this as much as I am….
Fuck Belgium. All of the underdogs so far have lost, however every game has been close, which is enough reason to believe that we will win, so consider it a lock that the US wins 1-0 on a 88′ goal by Alejandro Bedoya off a Michael Bradley cross. Fuck a waffle. Home of the brave by 1. Book it.